Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Parking Lot Manners

While I know that real estate is expensive in L.A., I do wish the architects and builders would downsize any future structures and make parking lots a bit larger and more manageable. And if I needed more confirmation of this sentiment, I got it today. At an outing to Trader's Joes off Hyperion, easing into the the store lot, I noticed the two drivers having a standoff at the spot that was coming available near the front door. The younger woman in the dirty Honda Accord was facing me, and blocking my movement was the Lexus SUV with slightly tinted windows, which precluded me from seeing the driver. As soon as the octogenarian finally got his Buick out of the way, the action started. Like a sporting contest, the two drivers began inching forward. With their front bumpers touching, neither was going to yield to the other. Then the horn blowing started, the Lexus SUV first followed immediately by the Honda Accord. Three prolonged and noisy blows announced the next round, a face to face encounter. Jumping out of the Lexus SUV, and then slamming the door, the chesty middle-aged woman with dyed blonde hair and a worn and tattered weave shouted, "What's your problem, bitch? I was here first!" The younger woman nearly fell as she hurried out of the Honda. Her thin and toned body was on display thanks to the tight yoga attire. "You saw me with my blinker on! You have no class! Ridiculous to call someone you don't know a bitch!" Walking closer to the younger woman, the blonde started pointing as she screamed, "Don't you tell me I don't have any class! Look at how you're dressed! You look like Olive Oyl in pajamas! The younger woman shook her head and smirked. Getting back in the Honda, she said as she slammed the door, "This isn't worth it. You can have the fucking space. And why don't you take your fake tits and frozen face back to Beverly Hills where you belong?" So what was the blonde to do? The expected. She shot the younger woman a bird and said, "You are a real bitch!"

Once the young woman sped away, I eased my car around the Lexus SUV. I smiled and waved at the blonde who stood with hands on her hip, and if she'd been able to move the frozen muscles, she would have had a scowl on her face. Finding a vacant space in the back of the lot, bypassing a few that were closer to the store's entrance, I carefully looked around to make sure no one else had dibs on the spot. Once parked, sitting in my car with my head down and reading a text message, I felt a slight bump. In my rear view mirror, I saw the runaway grocery cart flush against my trunk. The rocker guy with tattooed sleeves on his arm climbed into the ancient Chevrolet pick-up truck, oblivious to his negligence. What was I to do but text someone familiar with the area and ask him if the Trader Joe's parking lot doubled as a bumper car track?

There has to be a better way to maneuver through small and crowded parking lots here in L.A. With so many traffic rules, I don't think anyone would mind if the city and/or state included a few parking lot manners in the driver's manual. Maybe have three general rules. 1) A parking spot isn't worth a fight, even if it is amusing to bystanders, and one of them decides to write about it in his blog. 2) It isn't cool to let your cart run free, and if it gets away from you, chase it down. 3) If you see a crowded lot, go shop somewhere else. For those not obeying the rules, make them direct traffic at a Wal-Mart during the Christmas holidays.



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